Orgasms are awesome. They are fun. They feel good. However, if you’re a man, they’re more likely to come by than if you’re a woman. First of all, let me be clear. Women are more than capable of pleasuring themselves. The problem is in the way we typically understand sex.
Many women see sex as something that is ‘given’ to the man. Many women are socialised to think that they’re not entitled to pleasure. In fact, in most patriarchal cultures, women are also socialised to look down upon or feel guilty about asking for pleasure.
However, sex is a two way street. Sex is as much for women as it is for men. Women deserve as much pleasure out of sex as men do. For many, sex ends when a man ejaculates. Many men don’t pay too much attention to whether their partner orgasmed or not. Pleasure, like care, like affection in a relationship is about sharing, and communication. When men care about their partners’ pleasure, and when a woman feels empowered enough to ask for pleasure, it is a sign of a healthy, equal partnership.
If we know one thing about female orgasms, it is that women can have multiple orgasms. However, for women, the conversation is about the quality of orgasms, rather than the quantity of them. Female orgasms are more complex than male orgasms. For one, while male orgasms are visible in terms of ejaculation, female orgasms are not. Female orgasms have been described by many women as ‘fireworks’.
When the primary source of sex education is pornography, it may lead to the belief among men that women have orgasms by only penetrative sex. The problem is that these videos are primarily made for the male gaze. It doesn’t take into account the nuances and the extremely personal nature of female orgasms. Many men find it difficult to find the clitoris, the primary pleasure centre of a woman’s body.
When women’s pleasure is depicted in the popular media, it can be problematic. The social expectations around female orgasms can often be distressing to many women. Many women find it more difficult to orgasm than other women, and it can affect their self-image or their image of their relationships.
Every woman experiences pleasure differently, and it’s okay. Some women find it easier to orgasm, whereas some find it difficult to orgasm. Some women orgasm during penetrative sex, some don’t. Some women have fetishes, some don’t. No matter how you orgasm, it’s okay. It is healthy. Women shouldn’t be shamed for how they experience pleasure.
So men, learn more about a woman’s body. Ask your partner questions about what she likes and dislikes. Take an active interest in her orgasm. Women, don’t hesitate to communicate with your partner about your likes and dislikes. He deserves to know them. Your relationship deserves to be a two-way street. It will only make it stronger. If you don’t want to have sex, it doesn’t stop you from orgasming. It is completely okay for you to ‘take matters into your own hands, and explore yourself while masturbating. It’s your body, and it’s perfectly okay to explore it. Your orgasm is your right.